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A Musical Term for Healing

I just wanted to share this beautiful quote from Toko-pa, which came to mind today while working with a client who is showing great courage in working through painful memories of an abusive childhood:

“In music, we call it ‘sympathetic resonance’ when a passive string responds to an external vibration with harmonic likeness.

Similarly, when conditions are just right, our core issues can be triggered with all the potency of the original trauma.

But in those terrible moments, something amazing is happening: an aperture is opening up for us to heal the past.

The present, in its infinite wisdom, is allowing us to touch the old wound, offering us a chance to feel all the way through it, to finally let our grief run its full course.”

Posted in Blog, Uncategorized

“I wish I could go there every day”

I was recently working with a lovely boy who had been excluded from primary school for persistent angry outbursts. It was very clear to me after just a short while that lashing out was how he reacts to feeling unsafe, so we needed to build up his sense of safety and self confidence.

Hypnotic programming is easy with most young children – just tell an really imaginative story. So towards the end of his first session I made a recording for him to listen to at home.

Every so often he would make a comment or contribute to the story, which is usual at this age, but one comment stayed with me.  He was imagining being in a place that made him feel really comfy, happy and safe and said, with such longing in his voice – “I wish I could go there every day.”

His mum says he is asking to listen to the story every day.  One great reason to do this job.

Posted in Blog, children

15 months later…

How lovely to receive this email today! It’s so wonderful to hear how people are getting on and always gives me a buzz to have been part of their transformation.

Dear Ruth

You gave me a hypnosis session in Dec 2012 to help me cut out chocolate and make it easier to get out of bed in the morning.

It was exceptionally helpful in identifying a bigger issue – that I was not really enjoying life.

I set a deadline to change my life by the end of 2014 – and have just completed the sale of my company and next month we move to France!

I am so happy and feel like a weight has been lifted. Our session gave me the confidence to take charge of my happiness and my future and make it happen.

So thank you very much indeed for your help and I have thought of you a lot throughout the process.

Wishing you all the best

KJ

Posted in Uncategorized

Celebrities chose hypnotherapy

 

Its great to hear more celebrities recently speaking about how hypnotherapy has helped them:

Actress Jennifer Saunders saw a hypnotherapist for procrastination and to get rid of her ‘backpack of negativity’.  She believes it is the key to her finishing the script for the Absolutely Fabulous film.

Singer Lisa Stansfield has been telling everyone that after 7 attempts, she eventually used hypnotherapy to stop smoking for good, even though she was a ‘hard core smoker’ – getting through 3 packs a day. “My voice, my face, my hair, everything, has gone back 10 years. It’s just absolutely incredible.”

Posted in Uncategorized

Why New Year resolutions don’t work


This time of year I always get a rush of calls from people wanting to make changes in their lives. They often want my help with things they’ve been trying to change for years, without success.

Most people rely on willpower to try to enforce their New Year resolutions, and are understandably frustrated when they can’t make the changes they so dearly want.

This lovely email arrived today from a 45 year old woman in Islington – let’s call her Sarah – who had 4 sessions with me a year ago.  She’s kindly agreed to let me post  it here on my blog.

“Brilliant!!! I just got back from a family Christmas, having kept my cool for the first time ever! My brother isn’t a nice man – he’s hugely judgmental of everyone and always expecting to be first/right/preferred/admired.  I always try to be pleasant but would always being the one ending up in the ‘wrong’ by getting upset.  I just couldn’t stop myself being provoked (it felt like he would keep going until it worked) no matter how hard I tried.  Even reading a book that showed me all bullies have low self worth underneath didn’t stop me losing it, year after year…

This Christmas I was determined for it to be different, and the sessions we did together had really changed things for me, so I was very hopeful.  I dug out the hypnosis recording you gave me and listened for a few weeks beforehand so I would feel extra strong – and it worked! I remained calm, rational, and strong – all his nastiness couldn’t touch me, it just slid off… – what an amazing feeling!!!

So I’m now looking forward to enjoying life even more in 2014.  Thank you again so much!  Sarah”

What Sarah is describing here is the classic battle between thoughts and feelings. We can be as logical as we want about something, but when strong feelings come up, they usually win.  That’s why I work with hypnosis, as its a system that gets to the underlying, emotional issues, which once resoved allow us to apply our willpower and succeed.

Wishing you a happy, peaceful, and wonderful 2014.

 

 

 

 

Photo credit: snowbear from morguefile.com

Posted in Blog, Hypnosis, Hypnotherapy

Books for Parents & Children

I often suggest books parents to read alongside therapy for themselves or their child.

Here is a wide-ranging list of some good ones to get you started:

  • Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting – Noel Janis-Norton
  • Playful Parenting – Lawrence Cohen
  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen – Faber & Mazlish
  • Babytalk – Sally Ward
  • Siblings Without Rivalry – Faber, Mazlish & Coe
  • Systemic Parenting – Mark Gaskill
  • Overcoming Child’s fears & Worries – Cathy Creswell

And a few books to read with your child:

  • What to do when you worry too much – Dawn Heubner
  • Nightlights: Stories for You to Read to Your Child To Encourage Calm, Confidence and Creativity – Civardi, Dunbar & Fontana

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Writing can help you heal

 

Recent research by Dr Elizabeth Broadbent of The University of Auckland has recently published fascinating research that shows writing about your feelings can speed up healing.

In this randomized controlled trial, two groups of healthy people over 64 years of age were asked to write for 20 minutes a day either 1. about upsetting life events or 2. about daily activities, for 3 consecutive days. Group 1. was encouraged to write openly and freely about how they had felt at the time of a past traumatic event, while group 2. asked to write about practical things, not emotions.

Doctors then measured the rate of healing of identical (deliberately inflicted!) minor skin wounds. Eleven days later, 76% of the group that had written about trauma had fully healed while only 42% of the other group had healed.

So it would seem that old psychological stress can impair wound healing, and that the immune system can be boosted by processing emotional traumas.  It will be very interesting to see how research in this field develops.

Posted in Uncategorized

Inner passions get centre stage

I’m going a little off piste in my blog this week, exploring the psyche through theatre, prompted by the coincidence of seeing two plays in which the characters’ inner thoughts are presented alongside the words they speak out loud.

Passion Play by Peter Nichols and staring Zoe Wanamaker and Samantha Bond is an exploration of adultery in which both husband and wife are each played by two actors, one representing the surface – what they actually say – and the other actor speaking the thoughts and feelings they keep hidden.

Although some may find this a theatrical contrivance, for me it is a powerful and ingenious way to explore the splits and struggles within each character. As Charles Spencer says his review “This may sound tricksy but it works superbly, to both comic and emotionally devastating effect. At the start of the affair, for instance, James returns home and tells his wife that he has missed her. But Jim, his alter ego, delivers rather different words as he thinks of his lunchtime date: “Her tongue straight to the back of my mouth, circling like a snake inside”.

In the second half, the lines between the inner and outer roles seem to shift and blur as what began as commentary develops into a complex exploration of turmoil, desire and pain.

Strange Interlude by Eugene O’Neill, starring Anne Marie Duff and Jason Watkins at the National Theatre, is rather different. In this play the actors speak their character’s inner and outer words, differentiating between the two by where they are looking – either at the people they are with, or out into the audience, like a traditional ‘aside’.

I notice that O’Neil makes his characters speak both the thoughts they are conscious of – e.g. sarcastic remarks or silent protests (often very funny) as well as verbalising the rushes of feeling that spring directly from their subconscious – powerful feelings they have been conditioned to swallow for social reasons.

Nina, the main character in Strange Interlude, is totally at sea with her emotions as she tries to do her duty, putting others first, whilst struggling with desire. It is she who speaks the title line of the play: “The only living life is in the past and future — the present is an interlude — strange interlude in which we call on past and future to bear witness that we are living.” This tragic idea seems key O’Neill, and he also explores it elsewhere, for example in ‘A Moon for the Misbegotten’: “There is no present or future, only the past, happening over and over again, now.”

And this is where I feel O’Neill – and Nina – could have used some hypnotherapy! I know from my own experiences that we can never be truly happy until we learn to live in the present. What went before will have an impact on our feelings, but it is when feelings are trapped that they become powerful, distorting and overwhelming. By learning to release and accept these feelings, our life energy can start to flow freely, and by practicing mindfulness we stop looking to the past and future and learn to enjoy the present.

So I agree with O’Neill when he says in ‘Long Day’s Journey into Night’: “None of us can help the things life has done to us. They’re done before you realize it…” But he continues “…and once they’re done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you’d like to be, and you’ve lost your true self forever.” Its true – many people do stagger along on auto pilot, but it doesn’t have to be that way. As human beings we have something that other animals don’t have – a complex brain and the capacity for ‘meta’ thinking which we can learn to use to our advantage. We have the capacity to learn programming, cleaning out the hard drive, rebooting and installing new apps that will make everything run more smoothly and happily…

By the way, both plays are wonderful, with superb acting – do see them if you can.

Posted in Blog

Dental Phobia

I just had a lovely message from a client who came to see me for severe dental phobia, so thought I’d write about this common problem.

“I wanted to tell you that I went to the dentist for a filling and didn’t shed one tear! After years of fear and panic and crying! Wow! What a new sensation. Thank you so much.”

A survey by the British Dental Association shows that 25% of people suffer from anxiety about visiting the dentist.   Many of these people simply avoid going, which not only compromises dental health but can result in other serious health problems too.  When problems don’t get caught early through normal check-ups, the eventual interventions have to be more drastic, often meaning lengthy, expensive surgery.

This particular client – lets call her Sarah – had been terrified of visiting the dentist since she was little, due to some frightening experiences with a dentist as a child.  She wanted to keep her teeth, so still went to the dentist, but only when things were really bad, and then only with friends coaxing and reassuring her throughout.  She would cry and panic for days beforehand, with sleepless nights, and total quaking, weeping terror on the day.

Of course relaxation makes things hurt less, so the irony is that her tension made any pain there was so much worse. However her fear was too great and too real for those immortal words “just relax” to do anything other than set her off again.

The specific type of hypnotherapy I might use to solve the problem will vary according to the patient, but the good news is that you don’t have to suffer! With Sarah, hypno-analysis was the solution, and she only needed one session. With a 10 year old boy I saw recently, I used a visualisation-based technique and gave him a CD to listened to at bedtime, which helped him re-programme his attitude to the dentist and solved the problem. With other clients I might teach them to use self-hypnosis so that they can numb their mouth, so they no longer have to fear pain.

Posted in dental phobia

Hypnotherapy for Teens

I’ve been working increasingly with children and teenagers, which is such a joy, as it works so well and so quickly. Usually they come to me when parents are desperate and have ‘tried everything else’ – I only wish I could see them sooner.

Take for example this young teenager who for 3 years had refused to sleep alone after something terrified him.  Having to sleep with someone else was embarrassing and frustrating, and he had no hope of it ever changing. His lovely, caring parents had talked to him and calmed his fears many times, but the underlying problem wouldn’t shift. It’s a great demonstration of why hypnotherapy works so well, as it deals with the subconscious (automatic), not the conscious (thinking, logical) mind.

Here’s what he wrote afterwards (transcribed below for easy reading):

“Before I didn’t know what (to) expect, I was apprehensive and I did not think that after half an hour my problems would subside even a little.  At first I found my brain had gone blank as my life’s experience had vanished as soon as my foot crossed into the room where magic happened.  After 2 minutes I found it very easy to open up to Mrs Culver and it was as if she knew me and my problems better than even myself.  After, I found that my fears that had worked up inside me for 3 years had subsided greatly and I would fully recommend her to anybody who wanted a fear to disappear. Come down here to have your fear disappear.”  (In fact he called me Ruth, so I enjoyed that he chose to give me a formal name in his ‘report’!)

Since then he’s also sent me me a lovely postcard saying “I’m now sleeping on my own and enjoying it!

 

 

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Posted in fears, Hypnotherapy, teenagers
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